He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
