evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
