I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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