you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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