So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize