i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
