he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
please don't ironically join a cult
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