you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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