Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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