Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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