I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
