It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
