I love watching others lives come down to our level.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I need a beard to bite.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
