just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
