I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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