I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
