It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
