I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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