dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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