So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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