I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
