I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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