so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
