Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
