How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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