So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
