i just had sex bonerless
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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