I will die if light touches me.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
