It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You are a genius and a whore.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize