Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
