Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
