i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
