wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
