This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
