I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
