Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
