dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize