why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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