Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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