When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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