Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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