the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
