I'm lost and stupid without you.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
