There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
