Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
