There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize