There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
