addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
