i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
