Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
