Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
