Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
