i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
