I want to have your abortion
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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