i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
