okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
