WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
FUCK WHALES
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