He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
