nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What a dumb baby whore.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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