somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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