pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize