All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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