There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
