at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
