NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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