I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
