A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
