they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Less talking, more tequila
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
