her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
