You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
