he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
