Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
