He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
