It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize