you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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