I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Drunk is not a location!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
