dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
