Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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