he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
