I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
