my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize