Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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